My Alter Ego

me: I'm sorry you had dreams of me being a psycho hose bease...dream me sucks!
him: Yea, but she's still easier to explain than drunk you singing about granite.

He's Supportive

"Man, I wish I was there when gross things happen to you."

Every Day is April Fool's Day!

"Hey, I'm only marrying you so I can put plastic wrap on the toilet seat...just think, a girl I can tease to my heart's delight and she can't leave cause she's marrried to me."

Party Pooper

me: I was so excited to spend my bday with you and you came back and popped my bubble.
him: Oh I'm gonna be there to wreck it.
me: Wreck what? My bday? My bubble?
him: Just everything. First the bubble. Then your credit. Then your chances of election to public office. Then your bday.

Reckless Endangerment

me: Ahhh, I almost ran over a bunny.
him: What did I tell you about driving through the pet store?

Mind Games

me: You want a tally for that?
him: Yea, unless you learned how to set birds on fire with your mind.....that would be a cool tally too.

Football Bat

me: Man, life's weird.
him: What's weird about it? I'll tell you what's weird....a football bat. Strangest thing ever.

Strangers

"Why must you assume I know so much about you? We just met."

Strong Enough For a Man, pH Balanced For a Woman

me: Dude, sweaty armpits isn't something I can control.
him: Just cover yourself generously with baby powder....... Did you try anti-persperant? Or amputation?

Dog Poop

him: I'm going to put a flaming bag of dog poop on your front porch.
me:.....uh, we're going to have the same front porch.
him: Good. I won't have to walk as far.

PeopleFax

me: So yea, I'm off my blood pressure meds now but I have to take an iron supplement.
him: Do lemon laws apply to you?

Morning Routines

"I'm actually blind until I have coffee."

Gift Giving at its Best

"Make sure you remind me when Mother's Day is so I can send flowers or ferrets or something."

Loving Stalkers

"I love you too...it would be odd if you didn't because then I'd just be a stalker."

Nuts

"And I'm not worried about you being crazy, I already know you're nuttier than a squirrel turd."