Chocolate Chip Banana Granola Pear Skittle Pancakes??

After the initial conversation....

me: Fine, you can make the pancakes your way.
him: With granola in them??
him: And pears.
him: Skittles?
me. Ok now you are just getting carried away.

Chocolate Chip Banana Pancakes

him: You modified my recipe.
me: I just don't want my chocolate chips and bananas mixing!
him: Why must you segregate?

Ouch??

me: How are you?
him: Ok. Watching Meet the Spartans.
me: How is it?
him: Retarded. You would love it.

Totally Uncalled For, If You Ask Me

"Imma fart on ya pillow."

Whoa Nelly

him: Yea, you're a man of few words.
me: WOman.
him: Nah. It's Whoa man. Whoa don't jump off that. Whoa you can't do all those shots. Whoa you can't play with my bff's boobs.

Trained Bears

me: I'm at a trained bear show. I think I want one.
him: I don't think you've thought this through.

Bedside Manners

me: My ears hurt.
him: Stop putting flaming q-tips in them.

He's a Man's Man.

"I wish they hugged in the Marines."

Finders Keepers

me: Oh my. You're funny.
him: That's why you should keep me.

He Knows How to Woo a Woman

me: There is zero part of me interested in being married in Vegas.
him: Sooooo I guess that means you're not about getting a sham marriage?
me: Not so much.
him: Oh you and your morals.

Playing With Fire?

I received the following message while in a restaurant.
"There's a burning in my loins."


Two hours later:
me: ......um should I take care of that?
him: Nah, I was just sitting on the stove.

With This Ring, I Thee Wed....

"Can your wedding ring be made out of twist ties?"

Remind Me Not to Send Him to the Store to Buy These Ever.......

him: I don't think I would want to send anyone tampons. I wouldn't know what sizes to get.
me: I mean they don't really come in SIZES.
him: Well what do they come in?
me: Like light, regular, super, you know.
him: Super?? Like yayyyy I'm having a SUPER period?!
me: Yes....exactly like that....

Your Secret's Out Now...

"I say some weird stuff. I feel like I should send this to my family."

The Husband Pillow

him: I bought one of those pillows with arm things today. Best $7 I ever spent.
me: You mean a husband pillow?
him: NO. A pillow with arm things.
me: Well I guess yours could be a wife pillow.
him: No it couldn't. Because it doesn't whine or spend my money.

He's Even Pretty Funny Online...

him: PANTS!

me: SHIRT!

him: THONG

me: socks

him: you lose you forgot to use caps

me: that's because i was waiting for the sneak attack of STEEL TOED BOOTS

him: sneak attacks don't work after you lose

OnlineBootyCall.com

me: Love you! Sorry I ruined your Online Booty Call fun.
him: It's ok. It's better to have a good girlfriend than AIDS.

The Important Things

him: Why don't you like South Park?
me: I don't know, I just don't think it's funny. Why, is that a deal breaker?
him: It is.

I Thought Diamonds Were a Girl's Best Friend..

me: What's shakin'?
him: Buying things.
me: Ooh what are you buying me?
him: Tampons.

Good Morning!

via text at 7 am: "Woke up so drunk I tried to unlock my car with my phone. Went on a 4 mile run. Now I'm pooping. How are you?"