Home Decorating 101

me: What do you need the glue gun for?
him: I'm personalizing my man room.

He Just Doesn't Appreciate My Moves

"If you keep dancing like that I think I'll leave you at Applebee's."

We're Not In Kansas Any More....

"Well, I guess the dog is either safe at the vets or the whole thing got torn down and he's off on the yellow brick road by now."

Should I Send in An Audition Tape for Hoarders Now?

him: Why do you already have an egg coloring kit?
me: This one has glitter in it. I didn't want them to run out.
him: That's how I know you're going to be a hoarder.
me: ......it has glitter in it....

Priorities

him: "Can you check the news and see what's going on with the budget?
me: Hang on, let me get my cheese fries out first
him: Don't you think whether or not I'm getting paid is more important than cheese fries?
me:.....Nope.