My Alter Ego

me: I'm sorry you had dreams of me being a psycho hose bease...dream me sucks!
him: Yea, but she's still easier to explain than drunk you singing about granite.

He's Supportive

"Man, I wish I was there when gross things happen to you."

Every Day is April Fool's Day!

"Hey, I'm only marrying you so I can put plastic wrap on the toilet seat...just think, a girl I can tease to my heart's delight and she can't leave cause she's marrried to me."

Party Pooper

me: I was so excited to spend my bday with you and you came back and popped my bubble.
him: Oh I'm gonna be there to wreck it.
me: Wreck what? My bday? My bubble?
him: Just everything. First the bubble. Then your credit. Then your chances of election to public office. Then your bday.

Reckless Endangerment

me: Ahhh, I almost ran over a bunny.
him: What did I tell you about driving through the pet store?

Mind Games

me: You want a tally for that?
him: Yea, unless you learned how to set birds on fire with your mind.....that would be a cool tally too.

Football Bat

me: Man, life's weird.
him: What's weird about it? I'll tell you what's weird....a football bat. Strangest thing ever.

Strangers

"Why must you assume I know so much about you? We just met."

Strong Enough For a Man, pH Balanced For a Woman

me: Dude, sweaty armpits isn't something I can control.
him: Just cover yourself generously with baby powder....... Did you try anti-persperant? Or amputation?

Dog Poop

him: I'm going to put a flaming bag of dog poop on your front porch.
me:.....uh, we're going to have the same front porch.
him: Good. I won't have to walk as far.

PeopleFax

me: So yea, I'm off my blood pressure meds now but I have to take an iron supplement.
him: Do lemon laws apply to you?

Morning Routines

"I'm actually blind until I have coffee."

Gift Giving at its Best

"Make sure you remind me when Mother's Day is so I can send flowers or ferrets or something."

Loving Stalkers

"I love you too...it would be odd if you didn't because then I'd just be a stalker."

Nuts

"And I'm not worried about you being crazy, I already know you're nuttier than a squirrel turd."

He's Definitely Getting the Better End of This Deal

me: You're the one who asked me to marry you.
him: I like clean clothes and my mom wouldn't let me move into the basement.

SOS

"Are you in church or something? You're not dead are you?"

Relationship Security

"I've seen you first thing when you wake up and I'm still here. I don't think you could frighten me away."

Mythical Things

"I won't get cancer. Everyone knows cancer is made up. Just like PMS, the g-spot and civil rights."

Equal Opportunity

"I think it would be fitting if you moved to the South and became a stripper."

Dr. Phil

"I'm just communicating because that's what Dr. Phil says couples should do."

Good Thing I've Got Other Things Going For Me:

"You're the worst story teller ever."

A Reminder Not to Eat Too Much

"Easy there, hungry hungry hippo."

Job Security

me: I didn't know you were that desperate to get rid of me.
him: Nah, no man would ever get rid of someone who figured out how to mail cake.