I Don't Think This Is What Eurythmics Had In Mind...

me: Night, sweet dreams.
him: Night. And I hope you have nightmares.

Guess It's Time to Get Out in the Sun

"If we were any whiter, we'd be clear."

FDA Approved?

"I'm gonna start bleaching meat and telling you it's chicken to trick you into eating frollicking forest critters."

Sentimental Birthday Cards

me: Did you pick the card out or did your mom?

him: Mom. You'll know if it's me because it will have something odd like a dog bowl and a tomato.

Ms. New Booty

me: "Big Booty Hoes" just came on.
him: Aw. That's your jam.

Breakfast of Champions?

"Have you been eating whiteout again?"

What a Tender Moment

him: How are you?
me: Ok. Just grouchy. You?
him: Glad I'm several states away from your grouchy ass.

It's a Celebration

"I'm only getting you wine for Christmas."

Brownish Jeans

him: The first time I met you, you were wearing all brown.
me: No I wasn't. I was wearing jeans.
him: They were brownish jeans.