Sweet Nothings

me: Wait...I'm confused...What?
him: Bimbo.

Snuggling With Bears

him: I want a pet giraffe.
me: Well if you get a giraffe I am totally getting my pet black bear.
him: Giraffes aren't vicious.
me: My bear won't be either. I'm going to train it to snuggle.
him: I'm not helping you when it tries to eat you.

At Least I'm Good For Something

me: I'd rather be there right now though.
him: Yea. Me too. I need someone to do my laundry.

On New Hampshire Weather:

"You crazy arctic folk."

The Few and the Proud

"I think I sweat straight beer."

I Want my Baby Back, Baby Back, Baby Back

"I found potato chips that taste like barbecue ribs. You might need to move over. I'm in love."

I'm a Terrible Muse

"What did I tell you about stifling my creativity?"

And IIIIIIIIII Will Alwaaaaaays Love Youuuuuu

me: I'll be sure to drunk dial you and confess my love.
him: I think I'll let that one go to voicemail.

There Go My American Idol Dreams

"You know I can't really tell that you're singing. It seems more like your brain popped a fuse."

I Hope He's Drunk....

11:28: Guess I better bump it up a notch.
me: Bump what up?
11:35: Not guch.
11:43: Jack?
11:54: Arunk.

It's the New Spooning

"I'm a butt-snuggler."

I thought about adding more of a context to this one but it's just so much funnier on its own. :)

Alternative Heat Sources

me: I'm cold!
him: You should go stand in the sun. Maybe you're solar-powered.

Bun in the Oven

him: If you get pregnant will you wear a shirt that says "bun in the oven"?
me: Sure. Will you hang out with me when I'm wearing that shirt?
him: Nope.

Welcome to North Carolina?

"I think I'm going to get a tramp stamp."

Men's Fashion

him: I think I should start dressing better.
me: Want me to start dressing you?
him: No way. I don't want to be wearing any banana hammocks.

Really....I Should Stop Setting Myself Up

me: I love you.
him: Eh, you're not so bad yourself.

The Cheetipede.

"Wouldn't it be great if you could combine a cheetah with a centipede? That would be a lot of really fast legs."

He's So Sensitive.

"Ok, ok...I'll stop picking on short people before one of you nibbles my knees off."

Every Girl Needs a Guy to Stand Up For Her..........

"Hey man! Don't fart on my girlfriend.......that's my job."

Montpelier

"Yea, we're in Mountpeeler. Mopelier. Motorcycle?"

Ich will Dich zurück!

"Have fun in Germany.....don't sit on any schnitzel."

So What Am I So Afraid Of?

me: I love you.
him: I think I love you too.....juuuust kidding, I do love you.
me: Oh yea?
him: ...Sure.

Too-Skinny Girls

"She looks like a tuning fork. I want to feed her some bacon."

Terms of Endearment

me: good morning!
him: good morning, butthead.