You Can't Argue Good Logic

him: You perv.
me: You're a much bigger perv than I am.
him: Only because I'm taller and weigh more.

Urban Legends

him: I hear if you send me naked pictures, it'll stop raining.
me: Nah, that's just an urban legend.
him: Try it. You can be a mythbuster.

Missing in Action

"I hope you're not dead. That would suck."

Classy

"I want you in nothing but high heels and too much makeup....with your hair in a beehive."

Whitewater Rafting

me: Yea, and then the guide pushed me out of the raft into the river!
him: That's where you belong.

King of the Jungle

me: Roar!
him: Roar?
me: I'm a lion.
him: A gay lion?

Sweet Nothings

me: Wait...I'm confused...What?
him: Bimbo.

Snuggling With Bears

him: I want a pet giraffe.
me: Well if you get a giraffe I am totally getting my pet black bear.
him: Giraffes aren't vicious.
me: My bear won't be either. I'm going to train it to snuggle.
him: I'm not helping you when it tries to eat you.

At Least I'm Good For Something

me: I'd rather be there right now though.
him: Yea. Me too. I need someone to do my laundry.

On New Hampshire Weather:

"You crazy arctic folk."

The Few and the Proud

"I think I sweat straight beer."

I Want my Baby Back, Baby Back, Baby Back

"I found potato chips that taste like barbecue ribs. You might need to move over. I'm in love."

I'm a Terrible Muse

"What did I tell you about stifling my creativity?"

And IIIIIIIIII Will Alwaaaaaays Love Youuuuuu

me: I'll be sure to drunk dial you and confess my love.
him: I think I'll let that one go to voicemail.

There Go My American Idol Dreams

"You know I can't really tell that you're singing. It seems more like your brain popped a fuse."